PLEH !!! I dont hear them no more !!!

If you were ever a fan of the TV series “Friends”, you would remember in Season 3 Episode 17 – The One Without the Ski Trip, the gang went up to the mountains in Phoebe’s taxi for a ski trip without Ross, on the way they ran out of petrol and were stuck in an abandoned petrol station in the mountains, Joey (being the genius that he is) spelled PLEH  on the ground, this is why:

Joey: Okay, done.
Monica: What’s ‘pleh’?
Joey: That’s ‘help’ spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Huh. What’s doofus spelled backwards?

So now you know what PLEH in the title of this post means !

The 2nd half of the title is what this post is really about.

for the past few years, I had 3 little friends hanging out in my head, the voices, which are described in details in my last post (click here to view).

The voices played a very vital role in my life, they didn’t only help me look at the different angles of a dilemma, but also worked as a reality check. They were always there when I needed an honest opinion, but they did however get out of control sometimes.

I had days where I couldn’t sleep at night from all the noise they were making, they would argue day and night, stick their noses in everything, and when i say everything i mean everything.

I can’t remember how it all started and why was i suddenly explaining everything to them and defending my every move. I am an adult and I am capable of deciding things for my own, i think, no no, im sure !

It had gotten to a point where I was able to have long discussions with them, debating different things, gossiping, bashing and even murdering people. Surprisingly enough, I enjoyed their company, and for a while they were the only thing that understood me and were there whenever I needed to talk and without being judged.

About a month ago the voices started to fade away, they became less dominant, they were weaker, their voices were so low I could barely hear them, and then suddenly they became obsolete !

To my surprise I didn’t notice they were gone.

I went about my life normally without even thinking twice about it, and then one day I was sitting alone and I realized it was …… quiet ?

I don’t know why I don’t hear them anymore, maybe it is because I am surrounded by people more often now than before? Maybe I have other things to do like clean or coke? or maybe because I didn’t need them as much anymore.

Whatever it was, for one reason or the other, i miss them .. A lot ..

I wonder if my dear friends will ever come back .. ?

 


self-inflicted torture

self-inflicted torture is a very interesting mater, it may sound disturbing or scary, but that’s only because its always been defined in such a manner.

Many people link self-inflicted torture to self-harm which is defined as ‘the intentional, direct injuring of body tissue’*. In other words deliberately and physically injuring oneself.

However, I think of self-inflicted torture in another way.

In my mind, self-inflicted torture can be emotional as much as it can be physical, and it can be physical but not necessarily suicidal. you want examples you say, here we go:

  • sleeping late when you know you have to wake up early for work the next morning: this is some sort of self-inflicted torture, why would you sleep late when you know you have work the next day, isn’t that also considered as harming oneself?
  • Going to the beauty salon/barber: lets face it, this is physical torture, no one can convince me otherwise, but again, its not suicidal…. imagine if it was !
  • Eating a heavy dinner before going to bed: this can be considered suicidal, haha, just kidding, but seriously, that is never a good idea, not because its unhealthy, but you have to try it to know what I mean.
  • Cold showers: yes, cold showers to me are part of my long list of  self-inflicted torture, but this depends a lot on personal preference
  • Accounting class at 8am on a Friday: yes people I have done that, and this is not only physical and mental torture but it goes beyond ……………… I dont want to talk about it anymore
  • drinking one cup of coffee in the morning when you are sleepy as hell: do I really need to explain? i didn’t think so

so you get the flow?

Awesome !

now I use this phrase ‘self-inflicted torture’ a lot, not because I like torturing myself, but because I end up doing it more than once everyday, and if you think enough about it, you will realize you do the same as well.

Some types of self-inflicted torture are good for you, like running that extra mile or working out for 10 extra minutes or not eating the chocolate you’ve been craving. Others are pretty harmful like starving yourself to lose that last KG or eating the greasiest burger you can find 5 minutes before going to bed.

whatever it is, we all do it, weather we think about it as torture or not is just a mater of perception.

but people, let me end with this, the best/worse kind of self-inflicted torture is falling in love..


Quote: Day Dreaming

Day dreaming is when we imagine the moments we most desire ..


voices voices .. shhhhhhhhhhhhh

I once explained a little about the voices in my head, the voices that developed into characters with different and unique voices, attitudes, accents, speeches and preferences.

In that earlier post (called “the source of happiness”) I wrote about the number of voices and briefly describes each voice’s character. below is what i had written:

“To give you an idea of the sort of dialogue that goes on in my head:

Voice 1 (the angel): You have everything dear, you just have to appreciate it

Voice 2 (the angry person): What happiness and appreciate crap are you talking about, life is full of stupid stuff and happiness only exists in stories!

Voice 3 (the 3rd guy (whom i could never give a personality to)): You two better shut up and mind your own business, just live your life the way it is babe”

I’m not sure how these characters were developed in my head over the years, but this is what i know about them so far:

Voice 1 (the angel):

  • female voice
  • soft spoken .. like a mother would talk to its new born
  • innocent
  • very ethical
  • something like the little angel on Tom’s shoulder in Tom & Jerry cartoons
  • has a white aura around it

Voice 2 (the angry person):

  • male voice
  • always angry .. never yells but always speaks in an angry tone
  • has zero patience .. i can feel it wanting to slap me for not taking a decision
  • pushes the devilish thoughts in me
  • knows how to bring out the bad in me
  • has a blend of red and black aura around it

Voice 3 (the dude):

  • male voice
  • is always chilled
  • takes the easy way in life
  • isnt good, isnt bad
  • laid back
  • has a bright colored aura around it that changes

its not really difficult to see how different these characters are, or how they push me in different directions.

I suppose its good to cover all the angles before taking a major decision, the three voices influence me in 3 ways but then my own voice, the 4th voice, sounds out my irrational thoughts which I then either rationalize or decide to let go.

The problem is, well not a problem really its just annoying, these voices tend to talk all the time !

It’s funny how they keep arguing in my head about almost everything i do, and they don’t only argue with me but they argue with themselves!

here are some examples to elaborate and explain how they stick their noses in almost everything I do:

example 1: grocery shopping (this was on Sunday)

V1: take as minimum as you can, there is no point in buying things you dont need

V2: just get out of here quickly, dont think twice about this stuff !

V3: buy the whole place if you want to, you only live once

example 2: ice cream (this was last night)

V1: you shouldn’t eat ice cream at this time, it’ll ruin your dinner

V2: damn you V1, let her eat what she wants, go away !

V3: if you are craving ice cream this much perhaps you should get two scoops

example 3: waking up (everyday single morning)

V1: open your eyes.. time to wake up

V2: shhhhhh, we’re sleeping here, 10 more minutes won’t kill her

V3: *yawns*

and the drama continues ………………………

sometimes i think this is my unconscious brain’s way of voicing out its thoughts, other times i think i’m losing my mind !

whatever the reasons behind these voices, they are (in some cases) a big help, but i sometimes wonder why they are always there, interfering in the smallest things in my life !

I also wonder why I (my voice, the 4th voice) have to yell at them to shut them up !!

oh and by the way im not crazy .. !

Enjoy !!

P.S. seriously, I’m not crazy !


Quote : Imagination

My imagination is a monster I unleash in my head .. !


before the big 3 – 0

I was browsing the internet the other day (I do that everyday and who doesn’t but I needed an opening sentence) and found this blog which is about Practical Tips for Productive Living, it looked very interesting so I countinued to look through and guess what? I found something awesome !

There was a post in this blog called “30 Books I’m Glad I Read Before 30” which caught my eye, the content is basically what the title says it is, but that was not what surprised me !

Scrolling down I noticed that some of the books mentioned were either books I have already read or books that were in my library and on my to-read list .. I didn’t know if that was good or bad but it did get me to think about something ..

I was thinking that the countdown to me turning 3-0 (and excuse me for not using the number just yet) has already started : T-minus 289DAYS – 12HOURS – 24MINUTES – 36 SECONDS (alright maybe i went overboard with the seconds) so might as well do something useful with it !

So ladies, gents, aliens, ghosts, bugs and any others I missed, I am going to read the 30 books on this list before I turn 30 !

I’ll keep you posted on the books I read ! I want to write a short review on them and share their effect on me (if any) starting with the few books on the list I’ve already read.

Till then, Enjoy !

Adios mi amigos !

PS : T-minus 289DAYS – 12HOURS – 15MINUTES – 12 SECONDS


Rice and Chicken from my kitchen !

Eating rice for dinner isn’t very healthy, but I hadn’t had rice for a while and was craving it like no tomorrow..

Now I have to confess, I’m not an expert in cooking (duh), I do cook but nothing major, and rice was never on the menu, but when you crave something, you crave it ! Luckily I wasn’t craving a Biryani or a Maqloba but simple white rice and chicken stew (aka salona).. The rice was the easy part !

When I got the chicken on the stove and started digging into my fridge to find the tomato paste, I found I had none and hence I was in trouble … but instead of giving up, I improvised by using ketchup as a substitute for tomato paste !

Now again many of you are probably still wondering what the catch is .. (if this is the 1st post you read then please note that my stories always have a catch, if this isn’t the 1st post you read and you did not know that, now you do!)

The catch is ladies and gentlemen, my chicken stew represents life, my plan to cook this dish represents the plans we have in life and the tomato paste and ketchup represent some elements that effect our plans in life ..

Life is always so unpredictable, perhaps thats what makes it great, if we knew from the day we were born how we would live our lives (even if we couldn’t change anything) it would be so boring we would probably kill ourselves !

No matter how unpredictable life is, human nature requires us to have a plan in life, first our parents plan our lives and then as we grow up we slowly start to take matters in our own hands, but not knowing whats going to happen keeps us on our feet, and honestly messes up our plans more than helps them come together !

However, it is not the plan that we should be worried about, its how we live the plan and react to it when it doesn’t go our way, like using ketchup instead of tomato paste. The dish might not be what I planned for, and it might not taste exactly like it should have, but it worked ! I had a lovely meal, my craving was fulfilled and so was my tummy, and the food didn’t taste bad at all !

Just like that stew, we need to understand that when our plans don’t go the way we want them to, we have to adapt and move on … If I gave up on my chicken stew when I saw I had no tomato paste or if I kept saying “this is going to taste horrible” when I used the ketchup, I would have had Cheerios for dinner, and as a result I would have had a not so good dinner, my craving wouldn’t be fulfilled, my tummy wouldn’t really be full, and my dinner would taste like breakfast !

I understand that life isn’t that easy, and the decisions we take today will effect the rest of our lives, and that plans are put for a reason, but we need to understand that not everything goes as planned..

No matter how difficult it might be, we need to learn how to improvise, how to accept things as and when they hit us, how to substitute some things for others and how to live being 100% convinced and happy with what we have.

Always remember, life is what you make of it and nothing else.

Enjoy !

P.S. This story is dedicated to my little sister Reem (because she picked the title for this post)


white flower in my hair

Pitch black strands, a white flower in my hair

It would look pretty if it wasn’t for my face

 

Filled with darkness, shadows of the past

A world I care not hold or grasp

 

Ghosts keep lurking around my throne

waiting for the day i decent to my doom

 

unhappiness, ,sadness, everything thats dark

days that are bitter days of grey grass

 

My grip’s gone soft on the days that have gone

Looking for a brighter Saturday afternoon

 

when nothing felt right and nothing felt wrong

only days and lives passing along

 

a smile makes my face look oh so nice

bright with sunshine inside and out

 

sometimes its true I am happy all round

and sometimes to me its just another dance


taking positivity for granted ..

so there are a lot of people who don’t believe in “being positive”, and i understand where it comes from as I was one of those people for a long time..

I also understand that many people find it very difficult to stay positive, and I dont blame them, i actually agree with them! It takes up a lot of energy and requires a lot of concentration to stay positive ..!

generally speaking it is easier to wake up in the morning and be gloomy rather than wake up and push yourself to be all hyper and positive !!

but .. did you ever think that you would just feel much better when you push yourself to be happy? did you ever think that you might actually have a perfect day, or live a better life by forcing a smile on your face? believe it or not it just takes one small smile..

having said that, i do know that it doesn’t stop right there.. drawing/pushing a smile on your face when you first wake up isn’t the hard part of being positive, the hard part is actually keeping the smile on your face for the rest of the day, but as the old saying says (and this is a saying i used to hate): “Practice makes perfect!” ..

and yes you have to PRACTICE being happy and positive for it to have a more permanent effect.. at first it is very difficult but the more you push yourself and as the days go on, you will realize that it is easier to wake up with a smile..

I know it sounds weird (and if you have read my previous posts you know my brain isn’t 100% there), but “I speak the truth !!” .. oh and “I come in peace”

so start slow, push yourself to extremes, find the joy in small things, and even if you face something that is not so good, well, still stay positive !  There is no harm in smiling when you are down or trying to see the light in not getting something you really want..

Last but not least, don’t take positivity for granted!

if you do find someone (who is as crazy as me) trying to push a ray of positiveness around, dont think of them (us.. ME) as idiots or people who have not shed a tear in their (our.. MY) life.. but someone who has seen and experienced both sides and made a choice to live on the bright side !

Tips to help you stay positive:

1) smile as much as you can

2) dress up and look pretty/handsome

3) think of all the good things that happen and try to let go of the bad things.. ON DAILY/HOURLY basis :

  • “yaaay breakfast was awesome (it was actually a regular home made cheese sandwich, but at least it didnt taste like dirt)
  • wohooo made it to work on time !! (and you do this everyday but no reason to not celebrate)
  • I need to go grocery shopping ! \o/ (lets face it we all dislike grocery shopping, but try and get yourself excited, maybe think of all the yummy things you’ll buy)
  • aaaand its time to wash the dishes *dancing* (I so dont like washing the dishes but you can always do a little dance while washing them!

4) dotn listen to those horrible sad songs that make you want to kill yourself

5) enjoy your own company !


The joy of washing my first bathroom

yes yes you read right, no mistakes, this post is called “the joy of washing my first bathroom”..!

now many people would probably want to throw a bottle of water at me or just call me names when they read the title, but lets hope they read this post before inuring me (physically and/or mentally).

most of you (at least I’m hoping) should know by now that I recently moved into an apartment in Abu Dhabi for my new job.. although when i first started talking about living on my own the idea was that someone would come once a week to clean the apartment for me, so someone would come for an hour a week to do all the ‘dirty work’ while i do the basic things like washing dishes and all the other mini things.

However, although i knew this would help me more than anyone else.. the stupid voices in my head started pushing their way in:

  • voice 1 (the angel): you don’t need help dear one, you are more than capable
  • voice 2 (the angry person): WTH ! are you an idiot !!! will you just go get your head examined !!!!!
  • voice 3 (the 3rd guy): guys, for the millionth time, shut up!! B, do whatever you think is right..

so from what you can see, the voices didn’t really help, but there was some truth in all of them..

i decided to get help the first time round, so i got some people in to clean the place while i ran around Abu Dhabi trying to get the curtains sorted out, when they left, i realized that generally speaking the place was fine, but it was just FINE, it wasn’t clean, it wasn’t right, it was just fine.

I had two choices then and there, either to bring the helpers back another day and supervise their work, or …… to clean the place alone.. since you have already read the title, you know that i ended up cleaning the apartment on my own, starting with the bathroom .. and .. it .. was .. AWESOME !

obviously washing a bathroom isn’t very interesting, but to think that i was washing my first own bathroom .. my bathroom in my own apartment .. that feeling was just awesome .. it was .. overwhelming !

to the people who understood the message i want to convey, well done!

to the people who didn’t understand .. well .. its not about washing your own bathroom, and its not about being stubborn, but its about learning how to be responsible for yourself and the desistions you make .. its about building your personality (and yes washing your own bathroom and cleaning your own apartment adds a lot to your personality, at least you won’t be a stuck up snob!) .. it is mainly about building character..

now if you agree then  i have nothing else to say except i wish you the same, and if you don’t agree and still don’t know what the heck i am talking about then good luck !